The official countdown is on. In one week we will be sleeping in our new home. It is exciting and frightening at the same time. I have not slept the last three nights, thoughts such as “Should we plaster and touch up all the nail holes?” To “Did I make arrangements for the dog during the move?” To “Shower curtain liners.” I wake up and I worry.
There is also this sadness that keeps me awake on this starry moonlit night. We lived in this house over twenty years. We raised our family here, our little herd of girls and their friends. Anxiety also leaves me sleepless, anxiety about the physical aspect of taking on a more expensive house, we are so comfortable now, will it be a stretch? Will we feel like “fakers?” In a borrowed house we have to treat carefully and return to the “real” owners? Will the neighbors call the police when they see up go in the door?
Worries about shower curtain liners aside, there is this mounting excitement as well. When I leave school I am always tempted to take a left at the highway towards the new house, just to “take a peek.” It is really very stalker-ish. I check out books from the library and search pins on Pinterest on landscaping. The house is perfect, and the yard is perfect, but there is some room for a little garden and we want to put in a firepit and I am working on Scott for a hot tub. That’s all very exciting.
As you can see, I am on the fence here… am I excited or am I nervous and anxious? I just have to resign myself that for the next few days it is OK to be both. In the meanwhile, the elusive night of sleep will just have to wait.